Day 91 – I went into the office with a traditional Pakistani/Turkish fez #hatONit from Romita. While I was there, my parents (Peter) and Austin worked on packing up the apartment. I was supposed to help but I didn’t get as much work done this week as I’d planned. I am so grateful to have their help and support. Even knowing they’ve got it all under control, looking around the apartment fills me with anxiety.
I’m feeling pretty tired this past week and I am slipping into pre-scan stress mode about that and every little ache. Got caught up in racing thoughts a few hours ago that I can categorize after the fact as the cognitive distortion “catastrophizing”. I recovered by resting and reading the Internet and talking to Austin. Telling him I’m scared takes effort. I don’t bottle up my frustrations, as anyone whose heard me rant about Matlab can attest, but I certainly bottle up my fears and anxieties. And then my fears and anxieties come for me when I’m tired or stressed. It’s an area I’d like to work on with my mindfulness practice and in the meantime I am glad for the medical marijuana and anti-anxiety pills that I can use when the racing thoughts are particularly bad.
Cancer Support Services at BMC include a lot of mindfulness related activities like yoga, tai chi, and support groups to help patients cope with the uncertainty of cancer. Your donation to the #hatONit fundraiser provides funding for these services.
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